im on the outside

the internet is an interesting device.  some days it keeps me occupied for hours, others it’s a good distraction, and sometimes it just makes me sad and wonder.  since i started on facebook, i have reconnected with people i have known from growing up, summer camp, college, and various jobs.  i always seem to notice the same things though.  like at camp, all these people seem to have close ties, and keep in touch, and visit all the time.  again, i am back to feeling like i am outside looking in.  like i never fit in or belong.  i spend more time alone than i would like to admit, i’ve become very shy, and lately just lacking in any motivation.  i have to get out of this rut!  but all that aside, im lonely.  i miss the days growing up in my neighborhood when there was always a handful of us around and there was always somebody to do something with.  i moved to a new town and i still don’t know anybody outside of work.  i guess if i can get my unmotivated self in gear i can meet people at the gym, not to mention improve my physical wellbeing.  something has to change…

it’s been a while

wow.  it’s been over a month since my last post.  it is amazing how quickly time can run away from you.  nothing much of note has really happened lately.  not where i have been, ‘i have to blog about this!’ at least.  i’ve had my nights with a bottomless cup of coffee at the diner talking a friends ear off and the usual constant musings in my mind, but i’ve been at a losss for words lately on here.  i was hurt by a boy when i realized his interest in me was nothing more than a game, i received an award at work (which i will discuss in detail another time), i finally started making progress with my spare room (it no longer is filled by a mountain of empty moving boxes) and slow am turning it into a spare bedroom/office, and i’ve been spending a lot of time on long island sound on friends sailboat or power boats.  we are approaching 4th of july weekend and im finding that my head just isn’t into my work right now.  i really wish i had the weekend off.  would much rather be with my family and my 2 best friends than answering a phone and dispatching emergency services.  i guess that happens to us all from time to time.  im not unhappy but i’ve had a lot on my mind lately.  just trying to work things out in my head that really can’t be sorted out quickly, and i’ve found im lacking the patience to take my time.  anyway, im looking at the clock on my cable box and wondering why at 1230am im exhausted but wide awake.  am thinking of curling up in bed and reading my book for a while.  one of my officers gave me a book to read by jack kerouac called, ‘on the road.’   hope this finds you all well and have a happy 4th of july.

a wet weekend

i went white water rafting and paintballing for the first time this weekend.  the paintballing didn’t really do anything for me, but i had a blast rafting.  the sun managed to hang in there just long enough until we were done rafting before the deluge of rain started on saturday.  sunday for paintballing was very wet and very cold.  the sniffles i had on saturday morning when i left for PA is now a full blown cold where im currently living on mucinex dm and robitussin.  lol..  SO WORTH IT!